Ok well let’s get the Man Hunting ball rolling by talking about one night stands.

Up until 2 weeks ago, I had never met someone and slept with them on the same night. Actually that is an absolute lie (I’ll tell you about him soon). I have never met someone and then slept with them with the intent on not seeing them again.  That’s also a bit of a lie because when it came to this guy wooing me, I sort of thought he was charming and maybe a potential boyfriend. That changed a bit with my naughty behaviour on the night.  

I was at a friends gathering. I looked good and I was gagging for a shag.

I locked eyes with him as soon as I arrived while doing the cute guy scan. He was defiantly the best one there. Not what I would normally go for, pretty fair hair, surfer look but there was also something bourgeoisie about him. I doubt this guy hung around in his flip-flops smoking cones until midday. He did a flirtatious eyebrow raise at me, I smiled sweetly back and after a couple of minutes he approached me for a chat. I was right, he was smart, a business guy who also looked like one of the dudes from the endless summer movies.

Interesting.

After a while when we were really getting along, chatting happily, a casual arm touch here and there and then he walked off, pretty much with no explanation and began chatting to another girl.

How rude.

I thought, ‘well fuck him,’ we were getting along and then he walks off, do I immediately headed for one of his friends and flirted with him.

Apparently this is all apart of the man wooing woman act. Walk off and talk to another girl while secretly watching the original girl seethe. Yeah good one buddy. What a cock

His friend was pretty boring, not that attractive and married so I didn’t want to waste too much time with him. My girlfriend told me to chill, not to look at him and look like I was having fun.  Being single is like being in a permanent acting class.

I did as I was told and it wasn’t long before Bourgeois Blonde came back and continued with the conversation as if we had just exited a time warp, like nothing had happened.

Bemused but also intrigued, I continued to flirt and it wasn’t long before we went to the kitchen to ‘get another drink’ and I ended up in a very passionate gropey embrace by the refrigerator. It was pretty sexy; he was a good kisser, lots of tongue without being revolting and even though I had mentally made a note to ‘play hard to get’ when he asked if I wanted to come home with him, I replied ‘I’ll get my bag’.

Yeah good job at keeping him waiting girl, you are an example for all women!

I bid my friends adieu and the as we left the whole party seemed to notice us leaving together which made me feel like a bit of a hoe.

We had a bit of a filthy touch up session on the main road waiting for a cab. God knows what people in cars driving past thought, do I care? No.

We got back to his apartment, a too good to be true penthouse.

This is where it got strange. On paper, this guy was hot, he obviously had a bit of coin, was good at being sexy but I was standing on the balcony looking at the beautiful view and couldn’t get my mind into gear.

Women need to have their brains and bits connected because if not nothing works, well not for me anyway.

He was all over me and part of me was really into it and another part of me wanted to high tail it out of there. I wanted that sexy buzz, where you just have to fuck there and then. I didn’t have it. I tried to convince myself it was there but it wasn’t.

So we got into it, I got my gear off, he was pretty fit. The kissing continued and then he went straight for the condoms.

The nerve. What happened to foreplay? Where are these guys learning their skills?

I reluctantly went with it, which was a bit of a buzz kill. I like it when a guy knows their way around town and which bus to take to get me to happy warm fun town.

We had sex. It was ok. He said

“Oh fuck” a lot which was distracting.

The climax, excuse the pun came when he said “I want you to come” like it was some sort of party trick. I think it’s nice that he finally thought about my die of the deal but really what’s girl to do.

I have one rule with guys. I don’t fake it, not even for ego stroking. What’s the point? If I’m not there I am not there.

Here comes the clincher. I got up and left. No cuddling. Not sleeping in the same bed. I was like some sort of man robot. I said, I had to get up early and then left. No number, nothing.

I don’t know what was going on in my head.

Is this what men do?

I felt guilty and part of me wanted to see him again. I of course tracked him down on facebook and sent him a pretty casual ‘had fun last night message’ ahhhh so cliché, but he never replied.

Have I learned a lesson? Would I do it again? Are you a one night stand regular? Hate them love them?